I started lying to myself...

I started lying to myself and worst of all--I started believing my lie. I'd began telling myself that "all I wanted to do was write." I started telling myself that "I could just be a screenwriter." I was lying to myself. My Twitter handle is literally "iDreamMovies".

I love movies. I love cinema. I love the making of a movie. Why did I start telling myself that I was only interested in screenwriting? Why, fear of course. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure--fear of being a leader (director). 

I've just awaken from my usual slumber after a series of unusual dreams. I was in grocery stores, restaurants, parking lots, in school, George Burns and Gracie Allen's house (I'd fallen asleep with the TV on). The school setting is a recurring thing for me. There were a number of other settings and themes that I wish not to disclose, but overall, every setting and every thing that I was able to look up in a dream dictionary all had something to do with opportunity, career, life choices, ambition--things like that. I've been hindering myself and labeling the hindering as "waiting" or "trying to figure out what I want to do."

Also, a few days ago, I had a conversation with my mom about job hunting. After going on about how there's nothing in Richmond and how I've been applying for things that have nothing to do with Film, she finally said, "Well, you know you don't have to stay in Richmond."

Of course I didn't. I knew this. But something about my mom being the one to say this made all the difference to me. Was I waiting for her permission? I don't know. I'd been looking at jobs in Hampton Roads area and Washington, D.C.--but not Los Angeles, where I really want(ed) to go. Why was I doing this to myself??? 

I love dreams so much. Dreams tell you what you need to know and understand about yourself. As our dream dictionary says, it's a mirror. 

I just felt the need to share this.